Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
