ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
