you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
