Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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