i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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