if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
