Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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