I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
This is my gift to your gina
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
