Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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