Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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