I am puke
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
