1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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