I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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