We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize