a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
