I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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