I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
