Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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