We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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