That's intense
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
