We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
