yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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