I feel great
I just peed on a car
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
