I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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