the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
