Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
