I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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