Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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