dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
