I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
