i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
