Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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