i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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