with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
