Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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