she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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