There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
