I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
