I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
