maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
