Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
