gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
