Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
They have beer where we have blood.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
