Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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