Kiss
Puke
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
