i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize