so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
