hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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