i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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