ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
