i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
