Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
