Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
