peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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