you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
