I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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