It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
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