I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
