It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
