were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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