then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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