yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
