we made out on top of his cat.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
