I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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