So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
