shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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