this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
