I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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