Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
