You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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