you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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