I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
