I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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