so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All the doctor said was why
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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