he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
