i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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