just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
