so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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