Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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