I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i drank out of a bidet.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
