DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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