do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
