drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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