I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
