Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
