They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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