Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
smell my finger.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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