Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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