I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
