The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I believe in your delicious
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
