If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
