normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
