this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
and you said cock pushups were impossible
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
