Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
