The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize