I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
