I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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