well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
