If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
