I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
