Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
